I'll say a little prayer for you!

So, I have been praying a lot lately. I typically pray, often finding myself in conversations with God, but not spending a lot of time praying for specific things. Lately, I have been specifically praying for people, issues, etc.

I have always had a problem with praying. I have been to church for years and when I was a kid, we went off and on to church. However, I never thought I learned how to pray. Although I was having almost regular conversations with God, I never thought I was really praying.

I do not offer to pray in front of others or when people may be listening. I am a little shy and backward and praying for others in their presence makes me nervous and nervousness causes a mumbo jumbo mass of words that become incoherant to the point of sounding like an idiot. I prefer the quiet of my room, or my bathtub when I am soaking in the tub, or in my car when I am alone or quietly to myself someplace to pray. I don't close my eyes, I don't look down, I don't do anything that would send a message to others : "oh, she must be praying".

In fact, I find myself getting almost self conscious at church on Sunday mornings, as I am on standing on stage during the prayer, I feel as a part of the worship team, I should be doing the praying thing the way everyone else does. Bow your head, close your eyes, etc...but I can't. I have never been able to get into prayer by closing my eyes and bowing my head.

In fact, here's a sample of a prayer, just so you can get inside my head for a minute to see what I mean.

"Hey God! I was hoping we could chat for a bit. I was thinking today about a certain friend of mine who is going through some tough times and was hoping you could give her some guidance. She faces some terrible things in the near future and I know she is in need of your help. Do you think things will work out for her? I was also thinking about my mother in law. We have had out ups and downs, as you know. I don't know what to do to get her to talk to me. Do you think I try too hard or not enough? Do you think there's something else I should be doing? Well, I better get busy and get something done, I love you and I am so glad to have you here to talk to. Amen"

Yeah, I know, looks like an email I would send a friend, right? That's how it's always been with me and God. We just have a conversation and I talk to Him like I would my mom or my girlfriends. I guess there's different ways to talk to God, and no one way is the right way, but sometimes when people ask me to pray, especially out loud, I tend to turn that down because this is how I talk to God and I just don't think they would understand. Maybe I'm wrong! Maybe there are a lot of people out there that has the same issue I do.

Well, either way, life is good. God answers my prayers, maybe not in the way I think He should, but he always answers my questions. He is Lord and He is good and I love the fact that I have someone els ein my life to chat with whenever I feel like it. Which is often.

So please don't think that I just don't want to pray when you ask me to pray out loud, but understand that if I were to walk in to any church and start chatting with God out loud the way I do, I feel people would stare at me and think I am being weird. I may not close my eyes or look down at the ground, but I still talk to God and I still pray for you.

Later!

God's Gift to Me.

Yesterday was Mother's Day. This is the day every year that I remember why I am a mother. My son will be twelve years old tomorrow. I cannot believe how quickly the years have gone by. It seems like just yesterday, he was a little baby, cradled in my arms, safe from the world around him as I enveloped him. I could protect him from all the ugliness in this world.

As the years have gone by, I have come to have a different role in my son's life. As once the caregiver, the one that kissed the boo boos, the one that scooped him up in my arms when he fell. Now I am the chauffeur, taking him to karate, to church on Wed. nights, to friends' houses. He is so independent now. I am no longer needed to be with him all the time. As this saddens me greatly that I am now at that stage in his life, it gives me great joy that he is becoming the man that he is becoming. He has such great love for the Lord, and loves to please people. He is a comedian. When he was a young child, his personality was developing and instead of trying to force him to be what we wanted him to be, we let his personality develop as it was meant to. We let him try out all sports, activities, etc in hopes of him finding a passion. He just started karate, and he is doing great! He loves it! And I couldn't be more pleased. Of course, his dad wanted him to be a football or baseball or basketball player, but is filled with joy when he comes home to Cameron telling him about the new belt he got or the next stripe he needed, or the new kick he learned.

He wants to be a biblical archaeologist when he grows up. He has been adamant for years he was going to be a paleontologist. Now we have moved on to being an archaeologist. But he wants to be a biblical archaeologist so that he can discover something from the bible to help prove Jesus was the messiah and that God is God, so that the unbelievers of the world will stop being skeptical and come to Christ. How awesome is that? Perhaps God will use him in a way we don't know yet. Maybe God's plan is for him to do this someday. We don't know yet of course.

Unfailing love. That is my son. He loves me like no other son could love his mother. He sticks up for me, he still hugs me, he still lays on the couch and snuggles up with me, he is still my baby. He is just a really cool kid. He loves the Lord and if he is telling someone something or gets angry and says something he knows wouldn't be pleasing to God, he will pray for forgiveness. He says things that no twelve year old should know. He is wise beyond his years. I actually got a call from the asst. principal at his school a week or so ago telling me that Cameron had been hit in the stomach by a heavy school book by a boy in his class. He wasn't hurt, nor was he upset about it, but she told me that when she asked the boy who hit him why, he said, I don't know, and when asked how it woudl feel if Cameron had hit him back, his words were, "Cameron is the nicest guy in our school, he would never hurt someone else." She said that she wished there were more boys out there with the heart and care for others that Cameron has. Of course, I was gushing with pride in my son that he didn't fight back and was the one that turned the other cheek. Talk about proud mom!!

So I say all this and brag about him to say this. I thank God every day that he blessed me with such a wonderful god fearing, loving, forgiving, awesome kid. Cameron is an absolute joy to be around and to have the privelage to raise him is an honor. I love him more than I ever thought I could love someone. I can't wait to see him continue to grow into the man he is to become and see the wonderful things in store for his life. As I sit here with tears in my eyes, remembering the wonderful times him and I have had, I cry for joy thinking about all the years we have left to enjoy each other. He is super kid and I don't deserve to have him, but somehow God thought I was worthy enough to have the privelage to raise this special kid. Thank you Lord for your blessings.

Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there reading this.
And to Cameron.
Happy Birthday, you are turning twelve years old tomorrow (Tuesday). You will never begin to fathom how much I love you....you are my lifeblood. I am so proud of you for the man you are becoming. I cherish you.
love, mommy.

Hmmm....

It's Tuesday, and my mind is overflowing with random thoughts. So, I thought I wouls share some.

1. Why does it seem like everyone is now gay? I have seen so many stories about gay marriage, this person coming out, that person coming out, celebrities coming out and then leaving their spouses. I remember a time when being gay was some horrible thing and if you were one that chose to be, it was so faux pas that you never said anything. Now, everyone is jumping on the gay bandwagon, so to speak. I'm sorry, I am probably offending a bunch of people, but it is my opinion. Prime example: Ray Boltz. For those of you that do not know who I am referring to, please google him and you will see that he is a famous Christian Singer/Songwriter from Indiana. One of his most famous songs is "Thank You" as well as "Watch the Lamb". Beautifully written songs, as I became a Christian in HS, a couple of his songs were my staple music for a while. I was randomly scanning the internet one day a while back and came across Ray Boltz in the media as being gay. I was like "what the chicken?!?!" As I read on, it said he had battled this for many years. Now Ray was married for many years has children with this woman, but is now separated and living a gay lifestyle. WHAT?!?!? How does this happen? Maybe someone can explain this to me....

2. The media. I don't watch a lot of TV. I watch approximately 3 tv shows, one of which isn't on the channels I have, so I watch 2 TV shows. One is Dealiest Catch on Discovery, the other is Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern on travel channel. Otherwise, whatever is on TV is on there because of one of my boys. I loathe Spongebob, anything on ESPN, and Cartoon Network. I have watched ICarly and 6teen, and Total Drama Island, but I don't by any means think that these shows are worth my time to watch on a regular basis. I will watch the Colts play when it is their season only for the benfit of my husband, who must watch them every week religiously. Now, on to my point. I have chosen to turn my TV off during the day and try to not have it on for the noise while I am home alone, simply for the fact that there are so many disgusting things that grace the TV on commercials, I can't bear to watch them anymore. Prime example: Quizno's Toasty Torpedos. There is a version of this commercial that was on, (not sure if it still is or not) that had a guy talking to a toaster oven thing. Something along the lines of "I want you to stick it in me" "No last time it hurt" ....so on and so on....you get the drift. Anyway, I was so taken aback at the audacity of what the meaning of what they were saying and the way it could be misconstrued into a pluthera of perverted comments, I had to turn it off. It literally disgusted me. So I now turn off the TV during the day and do not watch it unless I happen to sit down while Cameron is watching it, or Shane is watching it. I do on Tuesday nights, watch my 2 shows, and that is it. I now have my music on during the day and enjoy singing along to my favorites.

3. Now I KNOW I am going to really make some people mad when I say this next one, but in all honesty...I have never cared what people think of what I say, so here I go. When exactly did the United States become so anti-Christian? I have watched this whole thing with Miss California and the gay marriage debacle. I am sorry, I am a Christian and a Jesus follower and I am darn proud to say that. Jesus is my Lord and Saviour and wihtout Him, I am nothing. I am so tired of hearing people dog and bash Christians because of our beliefs. We can't voice our opinion without someone calling us haters, bible thumpers, ignorant, etc..the list goes on and on. Poor Miss california gets called everything from ignorant to stupid to a hypocrite. All she did was say she didn't believe in gay marriage. Gasp and shock!! Oh no the world will crumble into a pile of rubble because she said she didnt' belive in gay marriage on TV!! What will we do?? I have never seen such a fit thrown about anything on TV like they threw about this situation. Again, why can they have their opinions and say them aloud for everyone to hear, but we as Christians cannot?

Okay, you can relax now, I am done throwing my opinion in the ring for people to scrutinize over. I do however, think that us Christians are up against a country full of Satan. So many people out there are unchurched and unsaved, lost, full of hate and are empty. We need to pray and keep the faith. Keep standing up for your beliefs, even when the other people tear you down and call you names, or say mean things to you. Remember Paul, and how he went on in his ministry being stoned, called horrible things, even at the end, being beheaded. He went on to spread the good word to a lot of people! We all can take a lesson from him.

GOD IS LORD! AND HE IS GOOD!
Blessings to you all,
Love in Christ.

random thoughts

So, why is it that everytime you have something major going on, it seems like someone gets sick, or gets hurt, or something happens which impedes their part in helping with whatever major thing you have going on?

We are moving in 3 days....yes 3 days. We get the keys on friday and I fully plan on making a couple trips, taking food over and getting it put away friday night. Then on Saturday is the bulk of everything else. Beds, dressers, tv's, etc...

Cameron's allergies have hit full force. Sneezing, sniffling, coughing, sore throat. I don't keep him on allergy meds all year since he only has seasonal allergies. He used to have to take them year round when he had asthma (due to mold in our home) but has since gotten rid of the asthma, as well as the year round allergies (yay!) but still has seasonal. Especially when the mold spores are high in the air. If he starts to show signs of allergies, I have him take an allergy pill at night like I do so we don't forget and usually within a couple days, he is fine. He woke up yesterday with a sore throat and sneezing and stuffy nose. This morning...same thing.

Allergies. When I was a kid, there weren't that many people with allergies. There were the occasional people that had severe allergies, but they were few and far between. You could actually have peanut butter sandwiches with your chili at school and not have to set aside a special peanut free table! I had to take allergy medicine when I was a kid because of my grass allergy. I would sneeze uncontrollably until the point of passing out when grass was being mowed, or flying through the air because of neighbors mowing, etc. I took a medicine called Seldane, which I don't think they even make anymore! After I had Cameron, that aspect of the grass allergy went away (the sneezing part) but I do have asthmatic signs when the grass is being mowed now. No more sneezing at least. I still can't be in the grass. In fact, I decided that if I had the opportunity, when I own a home, I would opt for the lovely sand yard. No grass, no mowing. Just sand. People take for granted the fact that they can go on a picnic and sit on the ground even on a blanket! I have to find the nearest picnic table and hope that when I get there, someone isn't mowing or hasn't mowed that day. When I was a kid, all my friends would barrel roll down the hills. I had to stand at the bottom and watch. Finally, one day I was tired of always watching, so I decided to roll down the hill and I didn't care what happened. Let me just say, that while the rolling down the hill was great and fun, it was after the fact that wasn't fun. When I get in grass or grass touches me, I get these little red sore bumps on my skin. They are about the size of a pimple. They hurt like mad and they burn like fire, and sometimes they itch. Well, my little adventure caused me to have little red, firelike, itchy grass bumps all over my body. Needless to say, I didn't venture down a hill that way ever again.

So, next time you are lazily sitting in the grass enjoying the spring or summer weather, or having a blanket picnic outside on the grass, mowing your lawn, or even rolling down a hill with your kids, remember to enjoy it and not take it for granted. Some people would love to have the oppotunity to not have to sit on cardboard or picnic tables, and not have to bundle up like it's winter time to mow. :) I'm still convinced that I should be living in florida or hawaii where there isn't much grass. Then I could go outside and sit in my yard too...

Moving day is Saturday, I hope Cameron feels better. With the allergy meds, I have a feeling he will be doing just fine. If not, I will call the doctor and get him in...

Off to daycare to cook today! I really enjoy being Angelo. If he quit today, I would gladly take his place. I love it there.

Okay, off I go...
later.