I have spent the last 15 years searching for who I am. I have went from a swim instructor/lifeguard, realtor, substitute teacher, instructional assistant, deli shop worker, sales assistant for a home builder, color guard instructor, etc etc etc. I have held many part time jobs to help pay bills. I have been a substitute teacher for the longest time. That has been my favorite job and I still enjoy it to this day. I have spent time researching going back to school and being a teacher. I have been enrolled in school to be a chef, elementary teacher, preschool teacher, child psychology, etc. Money for school has always been an issue and we decided that Shane would go to school first and get his degree while I raised Cameron. I figured as soon as Cameron got old enough to be in high school, I would go to school, get a "career" and start a full time gig somewhere and by the time he graduated, I would be well on my way of starting a career, albeit a little later in life than I anticipated, but a career nonetheless.
However, after all the research, all the hours put in to get enrolled, all the time spent working part time to save up, it never came to fruition. Something always caused me to have to delay and put on hold and not go through with it. I have felt disappointed, sad, unhappy and relieved. I have felt like people look down on me for not being a college graduate, for not having an education past high school. I have known people that did look down on me and believe that I am stupid due to the fact that I don't have an education beyond high school. I have spent a lot of time believing this to be true due to the media and hype surrounding having a college degree. However, after a lot of soul searching, praying and crying, I have determined that I am not stupid by any means. I am no worse off than anyone out there with a college degree. I have a lot of knowledge that most people don't realize due to reading medical encyclopedias and dictionaries when I was younger. I am an avid reader and spend a lot of time reading. I have learned a lot by reading. I am a spelling champ from way back and pride myself on being intelligent.
Yes I had my son at 17, yes I got married my senior year of high school, yes I spent the majority of my young adult life with my son. Yes I have spent a lot of time jumping from part time job to part time job. But while I had a lot going on, I graduated high school with a baby, I got married very young and have a very happy marriage, we have struggled with money, we have struggled with things going awry in our life and have come out of it better off. We have both worked our rear ends off to become what we are today. Shane has worked a full time job, a part time job and going to school full time to get where he is today. I have worked part time while maintaining a home and raising a son without the help of daycare while helping put my husband through college. We may not have done things the traditional way, but we have made it work. It has been hard and there have been a lot of tears along the way, but we have made it and I think fared pretty good.
Recently, after having gone through another college enrollment only to be disappointed by not getting any student loans to continue, Shane asked me why I wanted to go to school. Hmmm, never thought about it before. I guess because that's what you are supposed to do. Graduate high school, go to college, get a job, get married, have kids. Of course, I went at things a little backwards and got married, had a kid, graduated high school, worked and then decided to go to college. But after thinking about it for a few months, I realized that all the time I have spent at home with Cameron, being a stay at home mom and homemaker, have been the best years. I spent the first 5 years in full time mommy mode, complete with teaching Cameron phonics at age 2, how to read at 3, add and subtract at 4 and everything in between. We spent our days at home, playing school, playing toys, watching veggietales. It was a blast. When he went to school full time he still needed me. As he got older and now in high school, I am needed far less. I guess I felt like it was time for me to be a career woman. I am not a business person, I don't like office settings, I don't like the workaday world. I hate office drama. I don't like getting up every day and getting dressed up and being uncomfortable. I like getting up, getting breakfast made for my boys, making sure everyone is ready for their day, and then being able to watch I Love Lucy for a little while and then getting on with my day of cleaning and cooking and gardening. It helps that I have my house now. I have a yard to work in, and I can take pride in my home. I enjoy spending the days at home, on my time getting things done and checking them off my list. Cooking good organic, homemade food for my family.
It is now that I realize that some women are just meant to be at home. I am a homemaker, a housewife and a mom. This is what I was meant to be. This is what God made me to be. To take care of my family and home. Before the women's movement, almost all women stayed at home. They cooked and cared for their families and did so happily. They only worked when it was absolutely necessary. When they were finished raising their kids, they went to being housewives. Cooking, cleaning and keeping the house up. There is nothing wrong with that. I think more women should do this. I know it's hard in this two income world, but it is possible. Too many people are trying to keep up with the Joneses and that forces both parents/spouses to work to make ends meet. I don't think there's anything wrong with working moms or working women, but I think there is also nothing wrong with being a homemaker. People tend to look down at homemakers, deeming them lazy or spoiled. I disagree with this wholeheartedly. I read a lot of homemaker blogs to get ideas and recipes for homemade food, and there are more of us out there than I thought. I am not alone. While I hear negative comments from some people, Shane and Cameron are nothing but positive about me being at home and I get no issues from them. People who are negative are probably like that because deep down inside they wish they could be in my position. Due to life, a lot of women can't. I am blessed beyond belief that I had a husband that insisted I stay at home and raise our son. I am blessed beyond belief that I have a husband that tells me that he loves the fact that I stay at home and take care of the home, get our son where he needs to be and take care of the finances. We are beyond blessed to be able to live off of Shane's income comfortably so that I can stay at home and be a homemaker.
So, in a long roundabout way, all of this to say. I am a homemaker....by choice. And I couldn't be happier.
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