Writer's Block

Writer's Block

The time in a writer's life when they can't seem to find an idea to write about. I go through fits of this. I took a class several years ago on writing children's books. I enjoyed the class, but there were times when the assignments would be something I had to make up from scratch, without any prompts. I would sit and think and think and wonder what to write about. Sometimes, I woudl put it away and not think about it for a few days and then an idea would just pop in my head. I would sit down and feverishly write until it was finished and boom, there was my story.

When I thought about writing a novel, rather than a children's book, it seemed like a task that I wouldn't be able to finish. I had so many ideas and has written some children's manuscripts, thinking I would send them in to a publisher and see what happened, but then this novel idea came up and I felt like it needed to be done. So I sat down and started it while in the waiting room when Shane was having the second surgery on his foot after he broke his ankle. This would've been in fall 2006 I think. I then took the time to take the idea I was writing about and it turned into an 83 page novel that was published in May 2007. It only took me three months to type the manuscript. I have read many times how some author's can write a novel for years while the plot develops, while the characters get personality, etc. For some reason, the characters in my story were in my mind for a long time. The plot was in my mind already. I knew I wanted it to be young adult. I knew I didn't want to write a children's book when the words first started pouring out of my fingers.

I was surprised that the first publisher I sent my novel to accepted it and sent a contract. It was a dream come true to me. I have always been a writer. I have always had composition books full of poems, stories, etc. I had heard in the writing class I took that it was typically hard to find a publisher to accept a manuscript the first time. I was expecting to be declined and have to move on to the next guy, but it happened. Like it was meant to be published.

Since that time in 2006/2007 when my book came out, I have felt like I have had a sort of writer's block. Like all the stories in my mind are just jumbled up in my head and I can't get them on paper. When I get something started, it just doesn't look right or read right to me. I get started on a new novel, and the words just stop at an idea. I think the plot will start to come to me as I write, but alas, it does not.

I sat in my bed last night after Shane and I finished chatting online and I sat there in the quiet and thought about writing. Now that I have time on my hands with Shane being on the road and Cameron still in school, I have a lot of time to sit and think about my characters. My plots. I have a couple novels started, but none of them have gotten past the first initial character plots. Nothing has become of them. I am starting to get the writer's block out of my mind again and starting to get ideas on how to shape these characters and how to move forward with their stories. Now to get the ideas on paper!!

Who knows, maybe I am a one and done author. One novel and that's it. I will probably never be a bestseller, but I can at least write and hopefully someone will get something out of what I write about. Who knows? Maybe the two children's manuscripts are the next book waiting to be printed....

You never know what the future holds. But for now, I can at least start writing about it......

Real Estate

"I never get what I really want. I always get a lot of stupid toys, or a bicycle or clothes or something that."

"What is it that you want?"

"Real estate."


Lucy and Charlie Brown get into a conversation during the Christmas season and they discuss what they want for Christmas. Lucy reveals that she never gets what she really wants, and when Charlie Brown asks her what she wants, she says real estate. A girl after my own heart!

Ever since I was a kid, I remember my dad taking my mom and I on little cruises around the Hamilton, Marion and Boone counties, showing us the big huge houses he had delivered trim or doors to the day before. I distinctly remember sitting in the truck and looking in awe at these huge, beautiful homes.

When I was a teenager, it never occured to me that I could be a realtor. I loved houses, had a passion for them, but it never seemed like at career day, the choice of realtor was ever available. It was always doctors, lawyers, teachers, etc. I swore up and down I wanted to be a meteorologist, then I wanted to be a guidance counselor at a school, then I wanted to be a teacher, then I wanted to be a......you name it. It wasn't until we lost our home to mold and bad dealings with an unethical realtor that it really hit me. I could still be a realtor. You don't need a college degree. You don't need to spend exorbitant amounts of money to get started. (I mean large student loans and stuff like that you would need for college. If you count the fees for the board of realtors, you would think it is expensive) I could do this.

I spent several years saving up for the real estate class. Finally I got to sign up and go. I finished with flying colors and went to take the exam for my license. Passed on the first try. Got it all done, got my license active and paid my MIBOR fees. No luck with finding clients, but I got my feet wet in the business. Then I got a few clients and it all was good. Until I couldn't afford the fees and had to walk away from my career that I loved so much and go back to substitute teaching to pay bills.

Finally, after 3 years, I get to be a realtor again. I have changed companies and am very excited to work with my broker, whom I actually went to high school with! Such a breath of fresh air to have a moral, ethical person to work with.

So, I am active and ready for all the people out there that have real estate needs. Call me up, email me, facebook message me. I am ready and eager to help you out. If you are looking for a moral, ethical person to work with, you have to look no further than right here.

So excited for all the exciting things going on in our lives right now. We have a closing date for our house and are packing and ready to move. Shane starts his sales job in 2 weeks and is so excited. So much to thank God for right now in our lives. And I fall to my knees to think that He loves me so much to give me so many blessings in my life.

Saying Hello to the Future

Our good friends moved on Saturday. They moved to a different state. We had lunch with them last Sunday after church and it was nice to sit down and catch up. I realized at that point that we took the fact that they lived so close for granted. It is always hard to say goodbye to someone. No matter what the circumstances are, it is never easy to say goodbye.

As they were moving to a new home and new life, we were painting our house. We are doing the paint equity in the house to help with our down payment. It is nice they have that option. We had plenty for the down payment, but if we can get an extra $2026 out of them, bring it on! It is rough work, on your knees on concrete floor, caulking, getting dirty, getting paint in your hair, making sure the primer is on thick enough, semi-gloss vs. flat paint. You get the picture. As I was sitting, taking a break, drinking some water, I looked around me and I looked at what we were doing and it hit me. Like a ton of bricks it hit me. This is real, this is the future I had all planned out for us. A nice sized house for the three of us, Shane has a great job, a college degree, I have a great job, one that I can still be at home, work from home even, and still be there to take care of all the minute details of the finances, the cooking, the cleaning, the caretaking, etc. CWe live in a great, safe area, in the suburbs. Our little piece of heaven right here on earth. It didn't occur to me before until I was inside this home working, that we are saying hello to the future! A future Shane and I discussed when I was pregnant with Cameron so many years ago! The things we dreamed of for our lives. The goals we had for the future, here it is. All of it. We couldn't ask for anything else.

As we say goodbye to our past, we say hello to the future. God has richly blessed us.

Painting and Priming and Houses OH MY!!!!

Paint is bought, caulk is bought, rollers are ready. Painting commences in T- 3 days. We have two full weeks to get our entire house interior primed and painted. I am looking forward to getting in there and getting it ready to close. They will have the cabinets and countertops already installed, the trim and doors up, all ready to bepainted and then the flooring will be put down, some finishing touches and then we close!

While it has only been a 5 month timeline, I feel like it has been a year to complete this house building process. I guess when I worked for Davis homes and was the salesperson, it seemed like they put them up in no time, but now that I am the homeowner and on the other side of the process, it seems to take forever! I know I am just being impatient, but I am so ready to be a homeowner and get settled into our home. We have been kind of like drifters since we moved to Westfield, living a year or so in one place, then moving on to bigger and better. Finally, we can settle down. Nobody thinks we will stay there long, but I am going to prove them wrong. I never can settle into a house or apartment very long, because it isn't what I really want. I always told Shane from the day we got married, and talking about our goals in our married life. I wanted a 3 bedroom, 2 bath ranch home. I wanted a big bathtub and a kitchen with an island and a little front porch so I can sit out there in the rain and not get wet. I want a nice sized backyard with the ability to put in flower beds and a small raised bed garden and a fireplace. So, now, I get what I have always wanted except more because we have an upstairs bonus room.

So, we have this week and a month left until we close. So 5 more weeks basically. I cannot wait. Finally our hard work has paid off and we are ready to settle down. So many changes in our life this year. A house, Shane's job is changing, I am getting back in real estate probably later this week or so, Cameron going into high school. Lots of changes. But I am ready for all of them.

Here we go!

TV = Blah.

I don't watch a lot of tv. I have never been a huge tv watcher. I have had a few shows that I got into and watched religiously. I have been off and on watching One Life to Live since I was 13. I still look forward to watching it now. I like to watch Glee, and I was once addicted to Dawson's Creek.

I would rather listen to music than watch tv. I have always been a music junkie.

however, yesterday Shane was home sick. There is two things to notice in that sentence.
1. Shane was home
2. Shane was sick.

What does this mean for me? Well, it means taking care of him and being forced to watch tv all day. He started by watching a movie, then some tv shows he likes, then I got to watch one life to live then he took over and watched another movie or so until Glee came on. I have no idea what we watched. I was so busy trying to find something else to do instead of watch tv. If I watch tv for too long, my eyes end up all gritty and unfocused and I can't sleep.

Well, seems like Shane can watch tv all day with no problems. Cameron too. They can sit and watch movies all day long and be fine and content. I cannot. For one, ADD kicks in and I have to be doing something. Two, it makes me feel like crap if I sit in front of the tv too much. Ugh.

Thankfully, Shane is feeling better and went to work this morning. Thank goodness! Not that I don't like him being at home with me, but I cannot sit for another day and watch tv.

I am going to go outside today. It is going to be so nice out today. In the 50's and sunny! I can't wait!

Spring

I do this every year. I sit at home with my sweatshirt on, bundled up on the couch with a thick blanket, looking outside while it is overcast and cold, snow piled up and looking brown and dirty. I sit there and grumble and whine about how much winter stinks. Then it happens. The 7 day forecast comes up and there is a glimmer of hope in the drudgery of winter. It gets in the 40's or 50's for a week and I go crazy! Get the shovels back out happily to scooop the leftover slush away, clear out the sidewalk, driveway and anything in the way. I get my walking shoes on and go outside in the wet thawed out world and hit the pavement.

So it won't last. I know this. It happens every year. There is a nice thaw, warm temps and then boom, gone. Sometimes a big winter storm comes and takes away the hope for the spring.

So if you need me in the next few days, you might try the walking trails! I will be hitting the pavement all week to get the winter blahs our of my system!

Later peeps!

Ahhh....memories.

I got in my big stereo the other day and pulled out some old CD's to listen to. They are my old CD's from high school, from the 1990's. Quite the interesting range of music. I have everything from classical music to broadway musicals, to soundtracks to movies, to angry chick music.

So I sifted through the CD's and decided to listen to one of my faves from my junior year, Alanis Morissette. Yikes! I guess when you're 16, you don't pay that much attention to the lyrics of the music you are listening to. As I was sitting there, I heard practically every curse word in the book, everything from being mad at someone to wanting to have vengeance on an ex, to being thankful, to going to confession. What?!?! She is an odd duck.

So as I was listening to my music, Cameron comes home and hears some of it and we get into a conversation about what kind of person I was in high school. As an up and coming freshmen, he wanted to gauge how it was going to be. Now, I am not that old, only being 31. But I know for a fact, as a substitute teacher, that high school is very different than when I was there. Some things are the same, but it is a vastly different place than what I remember. It doesn't help that Cameron is going to a huge high school and I went to a school that had less students in the entire high school than he will have in his graduating class!

Anyhow, it will be interesting to see just how different things are for him than they were for me. I was the type of girl in high school that didn't care much about what people thought of me. I wore mismatched socks and my hair in a ponytail. I walked around with my friends and got called a band geek. I didn't care. I took pride in what I was involved in and didn't care what anyone else thought about it. I spent all my free time listening to music and singing along to broadway titles and pop music.

After Cameron listened to a little Alanis, he came to the conclusion that I was "emo" in high school. I told him that type of music was what was popular back then. Grunge, "emo" music, cranberries, alanis, sophie b hawkins, weezer, etc.

Anyway, it got me thinking, I wonder what Cameron will look back on when he is 31 and remember about high school? Will he be a band geek because he is in marching band? Will he be popular? Will he end up finding his soulmate in high school like Shane and I did? Who will he take to prom and what will be his best memories? Who will he be excited to see at his 10 year reunion? 20 year reunion? Will he still graduate wanting to be an archaeologist or biblical historian?

So many exciting times ahead of him. I am excited to see him through it. All the ups and downs of being in high school. Friends that come and go. Girlfriends and broken hearts. I hope he comes out of it as unscathed as possible. No long lasting pains.

While I wouldn't go back to high school if someone paid me to, I have lots of fond memories and some painful memories. What do you remember most from your years in high school? A certain boy/girlfriend? The Prom? Graduation? Extracurricular activities?

For me, I enjoyed marching band and winter guard the most. I learned a lot. I was a spelling bee champion, and a spell bowl nerd. But, all in all, I remember my friends and regret not keeping in touch with them as well after we graduated.

ahh memories.....

80 year old woman.

I woke up this morning feeling like an old woman. My back is so tight and knotted up that I can barely stand up straight. I have always had lower back issues since I was a kid. My back curves in too much and it causes pain.

Well, after spending 2 hours last week scooping ice to form a path from our front door to the street, I felt it. Then I kept trying to keep it clear every time it would snow (which seems like every day these days).

I helped move our new sectional sofa into our condo on Sunday and yesterday I spent about an hour and half hepling my parents and grandparents scoop out their driveway. Well, I was working pretty hard and bending over to scoop big shovelfuls of snow and ice and throwing it across to the yard....bad idea by the way.

So now I am in serious pain with my back. I am doing laundry today and sitting is the only thing that doesn't hurt, except when I change positions. The laundry baskets, which usually get thrown around with no problem, weigh at least 752, 683 lbs. today.

Going to soak in the bathtub and get the icy hot out to rub into my back. Maybe that will help...maybe it will just take some time to heal up. Time will tell.

In the meantime, might be a good time to catch up on some blogging and some light packing. This condo keeps getting smaller and smaller with all the packing and the new sectional in the living room along with the old couch....ugh.

How much longer until we get to move?

We have our pre-drywall meeting tomorrow morning. Cannot wait, because we will get our approximate closing date and I can start planning ahead for it!! Yay!!

If you see me out and about, I may be the one that looks young but is walking hunched over like an old lady....

:)

The Real Me

I had no idea who Natalie Grant was for a long time. I ended up getting her CD from my mother in law for Christmas one year and stuck the CD in the storage area of the stereo and forgot about it.

One day, I was looking for something to listen to and came across the unopened CD. We were getting into leading worship at church and I was trying to find some inspiration for some new songs. So I opened the case and popped the CD in. The first song was Awaken and it was okay, I went through, listening for the song I was looking for. I listened some more and they were decent songs, catchy enough, but one song struck me. The words were powerful. The Real Me. It hit me that this is me. I have always hid behind my skin and didn't let the world in because too many times I had gotten hurt. This song reminded me that God always knows the real me, even if the real me isn't out there for everyone to see. As you know, I am introverted. If I see you out at a restaurant or something, I will probably not come up to you and talk to you, even if I know you very well and we are good friends. I always wait for you to come to me. I am not being a snob, just being me. A lot of people dont' give me a chance because I have a wall built up around me. So they automatically assume I am the biggest snob on earth and never try to break down the wall and get to know me. The one thing you do want to know about me is this, while I may be shy and introverted, I am not ever going to sugar coat things. If you ask me a question, I will answer honestly, even if that hurts your feelings. I was taught as a kid that you stand up for your beliefs and you always tell the truth, no matter what the consequences are. If someone asks you for your opinion, you tell them the truth. I am not always right, but I will give my opinion on the matter and move on. Even if I know the opinion differs from yours. Some have learned that the hard way, and I have lost friends that way, but to me, the truth is it.

The words to this song tell a story and it paints a picture of how a lot of us, (probably more than a lot, probably everyone at some point in time in our lives) hide behind a mask. We don't go out in the world and act like our true selves.

The Real Me

Foolish heart looks like we're here again
Same old game of plastic smile, don't let anybody in
Hiding my heartache, will this glass house break?
How much will they take before I'm empty?
Do I let it show, does anybody know?

But you see, the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me, completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me

Painted on, life is behind a mask
Self inflicted circus clown
Tired of this song and dance
Living a charade, always on parade
What a mess I've made of my existence
But you love me even now, still I see you somehow

That you see, the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask, my frailty
Oh cause you see, the real me

Wonderful, beautiful
Is what you see when you look at me
You're turning the tattered fabric of my life into a perfect tapestry

Oh I just wanna be me.
I wanna be me.

Cause you see, the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp,
There's no need to mask my frailty,
Oh cause you see the real me.
And you love me,
Just as I am

Wonderful beautiful
Is what you see,
When you look at me.

So when you run into me somewhere, say hello, if you want to. I will always say hello back to you. :)

Random Thoughts...

I am sitting here, it is 1:30 in the afternoon and I have a million thoughts running through my head.

1. I drove by our new house we are having built. They are putting the windows in, and then I expect tomorrow, they will be starting the roof. It has gone by so quickly, even though a few weeks ago, it seemed like it was taking forever. In just about 10 weeks, we will be homeowners again. It has been 8 years since we lost our house in Sheridan. The mold caused the problem and it was far too much to fix. So we lost it. Thinking we would never get another house of our own, we resigned to just being renters for a long time. We checked it out a few times, only to be told we needed to get credit cards to get our credit score up to where they wanted it. We said no to credit cards and just assumed we would never get in a house. As a realtor, it is a dream to own your own home. That's my job and when I was helping others buy a home, I felt a little hole inside my heart because I knew I couldn't. It hurt. But that's why I went into real estate, one, I love and have a passion for houses and helping people buy a home. Two, I didn't want someone else to go through what we went through with our first house.

2. I was driving down the road and thought I saw someone I know. Someone that I thought was a friend, but they showed their true colors and caused me a lot of sadness and hurt. I haven't seen or heard from this person since this all went down about 6 months ago, nor do I care to. We moved on and they have moved on and that is fine. I don't wish them ill will or anything, but I don't want to hang out either. My stomach did flips when I saw their car, but after getting a little closer, I found out it wasn't that particular person. I was relieved, and felt a little silly that the thought of seeing this person would cause me such anxiety. Being an introvert, it is hard enough to trust people to get to know me, the real me, and become friends with someone. But, when someone hurts me, I become a mute and hide in my shell. Building up the wall, adding another layer of bricks to try to make it inpenetrable. I forgive, but it is hard to forget when someone hurts you. So, I try to just avoid these people and move on.

3. My son just got his schedule set up for 9th grade. When did this happen?? When did he become a young adult? It seems to have happened right before my eyes and I just didn't pay attention. He is going to turn 14 in May. It doesn't seem like that much time has passed. In four years, my son will be graduating high school and going to college. I am thankful that I have such a wonderful son. God gave me this great kid to raise. He is doing marching band this summer, which Shane and I are very excited about. When he was very young, we decided to let him make his own decisions about extracurricular activities. He could try whatever sport or activity he wanted and make his own decisions about it. He played baseball, basketball, football, karate, but he never fond his competitive side. He loves art and music. He has always like music, but the last few years, he has found his musical side. He came home in 5th grade and announced that he was going to join band, which surprised us, because he was vehemently against band previously. But he starting playing the tuba and enjoyed it and is pretty good at it. He is talented in art as well and I love to see his art when he is done with it and brings it to me. His art teachers have always said he has a natural talent in art. His band teachers have told us he has a natural ability in music as well. I couldn't be more excited about this. I think it is wonderful that he has found his niche. I think he will enjoy marching band a lot, just like Shane and I did. He has decided to go to school to be an archaeologist or a biblical historian. I am so proud.

4. We have been going to College Park Church since September. We love the pastor, we love the sermons, we love the environment there. I hope that this fall, Cameron can get involved in the youth program. He is introverted, like me, and has a hard time getting involved in things. He gets so nervous before, but once he gets into it, he loves it. I just have a hard time getting him to go that first time. I was going to join the bells and choir, but if you keep reading, you will understand why that will be hard. We love the music. Eric, the worship leader, is exactly like our old church's worship leaders. They would mix in some contemporary music with hymns and made it enjoyable for all. Eric is like that and we love the music! Sometimes, when a song starts, Shane and I will look at each other and tears will sometimes glisten in our eyes as we remember singing the same song while we were leading worship. We love it there. Pastor Mark is so good at preaching. I love to listen to his sermons.

5. Here's the reason why I am not going to join bells or choir at this point in time. Shane is changing positions at his company. He will be starting March 1. He will be going into sales, and be leaving for the week to travel to different states in his territory and meeting with the dealers. He will be gone Monday through Friday and have the weekends off. I am actually looking forward to this. Not because I want him to be gone, but because the weekends will be free from texts, phone calls, having to run to the office to do work, etc. we will be able to have dinner with my family or his family or with friends without interruption. He is excited as well for the opportunity to get away from the office and not have all the stress from there. He is so stressed right now and it wears him down. So, he will be going on the road to his 11 state territory and Cameron and I will be here. But, when there are breaks from school, we may go with Shane and hang out with him that week. Originally, we thought about homeschooling so we could go with him more, but I think that will not work out after all. I think Cameron needs the time away from me during the day, especially if it just him and I during the week. I am looking forward to moving into our house so there will be yardwork to keep Cam and I busy, and I will have my front porch to sit on and read in the evenings when it warm, the patio in the backyard to sit down and look around. There are flowers to be planted, a raised bed garden to work in, weeds to pull, grass to mow and water, rooms to paint.....it will be nice to have something to keep us busy! And of course, I will be getting back into my real estate career as well with a new company, so I am very excited to help people buy a home.

So many things changing in our lives. It is a little scary and a lot exciting. I guess 2011 is really the year for the Frye's. New house, new jobs, new church. Very exciting! :)